


Colors

by geekybones



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekybones/pseuds/geekybones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander London Shepard, n7 soldier, sole survivor of Akuze, savior of the Citadel, defeater of Saren, hero... and hopelessly enamored with her long time crewmate, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. For years, London has kept her affections a secret, fearing rejection and unsure how to handle such feelings. After accidentally revealing her feelings to her best friend, Joker, and EDI, London is forced to start confronting the feelings she has desperately buried for so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Purple

London had always liked purple.  
  
It was a nice color- similar to blue, her favorite color, but different enough to be a good foil. It was blue with a bit of spunk. That bit of sassy flare to kick up the calm stoicness of blue. Purple was a passionate color, deep and regal, proud and refined, confident and bold.  
  
Purple was a good color.  
  
"London? Helloooo?"  
  
London blinked a few times and shook her head. "Huh?" She looked to Joker, who had interrupted her thinking about brought her back down.  
  
"You with us, Shepard? Or are you having another prothean vision quest?" Joker spun to face where she sat in the co-pilot's chair.  
  
"I, yeah. I'm good. Just a bit..." London's eyes drifted over towards the Galaxy Map, "Distracted."  
  
Joker did not miss London's wandering eyes and immediately looked to see where she was gazing. Tooling around at a console was only one person- Tali'zorah. He immediately grinned smugly at London. "Oh-ho-ho..."  
  
"What?" London stammered, a bit of blush flashing on her pale face.  
  
"I can't say I blame you, Commander. The suit makes things a little too much of a hassle for me, but Tali does have some very shapely hips-"  
  
London slapped her arms down on the arm rests. "No! It's not- she's just the only one of the bridge and I was staring into space and-"  
  
"Shepard, your pulse and body heat distribution beg to differ." EDI suddenly quipped, her blue ball form blinking as she spoke.  
  
Joker clapped his hands together and rubbed them deviously. "Haha, yes... I knew it. So come on, Commander, spill. EDI and I won't tell."  
  
London shifted nervously and looked to see if Tali was still there. The quarian had left the bridge it appeared, leaving just London, Joker, and EDI on the midnight shift. She sighed, sliding back in the chair. "Ok fine. Yes, You're right. I've got a big huge thing for Tali'Zorah." London ran a hand over her face. "Happy?"  
  
"Hardly!" Joker replied excitedly, "How long has this been goin' on? Does she know?"  
  
"Since... fuck I don't know. Awhile. And no she doesn't know. As far as I'm concerned it'll stay that way too." London said firmly, eyeing Joker.  
  
"Awwww, come on! We need more hot lady on lady action on this ship!"  
  
"Joker, don't you already have a dedicated relationship with extranet pornography?" London jabbed back, trying her best to get the attention off her.  
  
The pilot shrugged. "Hey, doesn't mean I can't appreciate nice things still. Extranet porn is a very open minded lady."  
  
"Stay classy, Joker." London got up from the chair and began to walk towards the elevator. "And with that, I'm off to bed for the night."  
  
"What? No! Don't leave me hangin'! I need more details!" Joker called to her, but he didn't pursue, which London was thankful for.  
  
When she got to her room, London threw herself down on her bed, staring up through the roof. She still felt a sting of embarrassment from her admission to Joker. She knew the pilot's cajoling had been all in jest and good humor, but London had never been comfortable with romantic emotions. Growing up on the streets left little time for romantic feeling.  
  
Sex, now that was different. London had been there, done that. She could talk candidly about her sex life with Joker all shift. That was no big deal.  
  
But romance... That was another thing entirely. London tried to think of a time when she had actually truly romanced a woman. A few times popped into her head- that one girl in the Reds who she had fooled around with, that one Asari tech advisor from her training days. Neither had become relationships by any means, but they were some of the few times London could remember romantic feelings. They'd certainly never been discussed with anyone.  
  
London wrapped a pillow around her head and groaned with frustration. She had absolutely no idea how to deal with these feelings of _love_.  
  



	2. Blue

Tali had always liked blue.  
  
Her favorite was purple of course, but blue was a close runner up. Cool, logical, smooth, blue was great. Blue was a precious color in Quarian society- blue was the color of water, one of the most precious resources on the Flotilla and their desert homeworld of Rannoch. Rare, desirable, sensual, vital, unique.  
  
Blue was a good color.  
  
Sighing, Tali pulled Chiktikka, her combat drone, close as she sat alone on the engineering deck. Gabby, Ken, and the rest of the crew had long ago gone to bed. Her long toes curled around the edge of her cot, her knees pulled to her chest and her back leaning against the wall. The soft pink glow of the drone illuminated the dark area just around them.  
  
"Mm, you're running warm tonight, Chiktikka." Tali spoke to the drone like one would a pet, stroking a hand across its round surface, "I guess I need to add more cooling if I'm going to overclock your battery that much."  
  
The drone simply beeped in response, its surface colors glowing and warping. Tali knew there was not even really any sort of animal cognisence within the droid, but that didn't stop her from treating Chiktikka like any pet owner would their beloved animal companion.  
  
Tali continued stroking the sphere. "Sorry I didn't notice earlier, Tikka. I've just been distracted." She rested her chin on a hand.  
  
Beep, beep. Tali's imagination filled in the robot's unresponsiveness with made up replies. Why is that, Tali'Zorah?   
  
"I guess I've just been a little lonely." Tali sighed heavily. "And been thinking about someone again."  
  
 _Who?_  
  
Tali's eyes drifted to the side, nervous to even say the words to herself. "Somebody I shouldn't be thinking about."  
  
 _Why not?_  
  
"Because she doesn't need me to distract her. She's got a job to do and I can't make things tougher for her just because I've got some stupid feelings..." Tali whispered to the sphere, lowering her head until the mask made contact with the sphere. "It's not like I'm noticable at least. I can hide it all behind the mask, right?" She let out a hollow laugh.  
  
With one long finger, Tali wrote out the awkward, funny shapes of the human English language on the holographic surface of the drone. L O N D O N.  
  
She'd always admired the commander. How could one not? Commander London Shepard was a legend in so many ways. Everyone admired the commander for her actions on the field of battle, for her brilliant negotiation and diplomatic workings, for her heroic bravery. But few people admired past the soldier, few people admired the woman herself. The woman who diligently spoke to every member of the crew after every mission just to make sure they were okay, the woman who rescued and trusted a Quarian she barely knew without a hint of judgement, the woman who took time out of their important mission to help the common person, the woman who sought common ground with just about any person she came across.  
  
Tali was one of the few.  
  
But she never said a word about it. She knew there was no chance that admiration would be returned. Oh sure, Tali knew the commander respected her tech and engineering skills, that she valued Tali as a friend and battle compatriot. London admired Tali as a soldier.  
  
There was no way London could see past that and admire the woman behind the mask.  
  
Tali curled even tighter around Chiktikka. The droid whirred mechnically, the sound almost like a comforting purr to Tali. She sniffed back a few tears and pulled herself together. "Sorry, Chiktikka. Come on, let's go to bed. It's late."  
  
But even as sleep fell upon her tired eyes, Tali saw only images of her beloved commander dance across her mind's eye.  
  



	3. When Did It All Start?

Watching the emptiness of space flow over her, London thought back to her conversation with Joker, specifically his question of how long the commander had felt this way towards her Quarian teammate. Her answer had been vague mostly out of a wish to avoid the whole subject, but also because London herself was unsure of when it had begun.  
  
London scooted into a sitting position, rubbed a hand over her face wearily, and then reached over to grab her Kuwashii Visor of the side table next to her bed. Slipping it on, she then pulled up her omnitool. The orange light illuminated her sharp facial features as London's fingers tapped the holopanel, her visor acting as a synched up display.  
  
"There we are." London muttered. She blinked as the old picture appeared on her visor- a young Quarian in a plain deep purple envirosuit standing before a massive, pulsating drive core.  
  
A small smile crept onto London's face. She could still perfectly hear the wonder in Tali's voice when she had first seen the SR-1. Their first private conversation had been in that engine room. Tali had been the first Quarian London had ever met in person. Sure, she'd seen plenty of pics and vids- even a few specials in Fornax, but never before had she seen one in real life till Tali. While Tali was in awe of the cutting edge technology of the SR-1 that surrounded her, London had been in awe of the strange new alien before her.  
  
London paused for a moment. Had it all started that far back? Shaking her head, London rolled her eyes. "Love at first sight, ha. Yeah right." She flicked a finger across her omnitool and the picture changed once more.  
  
This one was far less posed than the first. Tali sat at the old SR-1 mess hall table, soldering gun in one hand and the other carefully holding a wire steady as she tinkered away. The table was covered with tools and numerous dissected machines. This time a grin broke out on London's face. This had been the first test picture she'd taken after Tali had helped her construct London's custom camera.  
  
 _"What are you doing, Commander?" Tali asked as she entered the mess from the depths of the engineering deck._  
  
 _London sat in her fatigues, a bandage around her finger from a burn, with a mess of wires and circuits before her. She sighed as she placed down the soldering gun. "Well, I'm trying to get my omnitool to synch up with my visor for photography."_  
  
 _Tali reached into a cabinet and pulled out a tube of flavored nutrient paste. "That's not that difficult. It's a pretty standard mod." She slurped some of the paste out of the tube through her mouth piece and walked over to the table._  
  
 _"Yeah, see the thing is I'm trying to get it to be touch free but still maintain all the photography options and functions AND not conflict with my combat software. I want them to run side by side when I need it." London explained as Tali examined her work. "I've got the neural optical implants already taken care of, but it's just a matter of getting my visor and omnitool to cooperate. Which," The commander held up a bandage finger, "You can see is not exactly going well."_  
  
 _Tapping her mouth piece with the tip of the nutrient paste tube, Tali hummed. "Interesting. Have you tried rerouting some of the omnitool's less critical synch paths to free up a route for the visor data?"_  
  
 _"I tried a few different combos of that, but it always caused my omnitool to error out before it could even boot up properly."_  
  
 _"No wonder it did- see this red wire?" Tali pointed to a tiny red wire that connected a power coupling to the motherboard, "It's an old anti-modification safety lock that standard issue Alliance omnitools sometimes have. Kept privates from tweaking with their equipment too much for things like extranet games and stuff. They started putting them in when a recruit modded his omnitool incorrectly for that kinda thing and it conflicted with the combat programming. Got him killed when he couldn't pull up his targeting instead of his bookmarks." Picking up a pair of pliers, Tali snipped the target wire._  
  
 _London couldn't help but laugh. "For real? I'll have to tell Joker that one. Thanks for the help, Tali. I was really stuck."_  
  
 _Tali fiddled with the half eaten tube of nutrient paste. "O-oh, it was no trouble, Commander. I just, you know, helping out where I can. I'm surprised you didn't know about it, being Alliance tech and you a technician- oh! I didn't mean it like that. It's not like I think you're incompetent or-"_  
  
 _"Do you do much omnitool modding? I could use the help. I haven't much experience with modding for this kinda hybrid recreational-combat type stuff so I'm probably messing up all sortsa stuff." London interrupted the stuttering Quarian, paying little mind to Tali's apologizing._  
  
 _"Huh?" Tali looked surprised that she hadn't offended the commander. "I mean- yes, I do." She paused for a moment and then seemed to perk up. "Let me go get some things! We'll have your omnitool working better than ever in no time flat!" Tali dropped the nutrient paste tube on the table and darted around the corner to the elevator._  
  
That was just the first of many tinkering session between the two of them. Tali's mechanical skills outclassed London's by a good deal, but she was a patient teacher and enjoyed being able to share her passion for engineering with someone genuinely interested. After almost every mission, London would head down to the engineering deck after light's out and she and Tali would tune and repair the crew's electronics. They would gossip and exchange stories for hours. Gaming sessions were quickly added to their get togethers after London unwittingly spent a whole night griefing and taunting Tali in Galaxy of Fantasy. She had laughed so hard when she heard Tali fuming in the mess the next morning about how "Bosh'tet snipers are so unbalanced!" It took Tali a bit to swallow her pride once London pointed out how Tali was ignoring a core escape ability of her class that would have allowed her to easily elude London, but once she did they had formed a fantastic team in game.  
  
London flipped to the next picture. She recognized the sleek, updated interior of the SR-2 in an instant, Tali leaning against her workstation in what London knew was a fit of laughter. God, she had been so scared that her working with Cerberus was going to ruin their friendship. London had been so nervous after Haestrom that she could hardly bring herself to talk to Tali. The moment when her cabin door opened to reveal Tali, arms full of snacks for the both of them, had been so relieving.  
  
 _"Shepard, you coming? It took me a minute, but I've gotten my omnitool linked into the ship's extranet and I'm ready to play. You... still have your account right?" Tali had asked so naturally, as if nothing had changed. It was just another usual night of post-mission tinkering and gaming. Just like old times._  
  
Maybe that was it, London thought. Maybe that was the moment when things started to change between them. She began to scroll lazily through the photos of the night. Sure, that first night back together had been similar to all the others before it (only with two years worth of new things to talk about), but as London went through the photos she couldn't help but notice small differences. The two sat closer to each other than usual, practically cuddled up on the metal floors of the deck. More than a few images showed soft, subtle touches of hands, arms, and feet being exchanged. London squinted a bit as she examined the photos. Was physical intimacy like this part of friendship in Quarian culture? Was she reading into the gestures too much?  
  
"Jesus, I should just stop it. I'm going to drive myself nuts-" London stopped short as she accidentally flipped to a new picture.  
  
It was far from a well taken picture, featuring mainly the face of a very intimidated C-Sec officer with his face framed by the neon lights of the Zakera Ward and the edges of two out of focus Quarians. A picture taken by accident, only snapped because of slight imperfections in the neural optical trigger system, but an incident that London could never have forgotten.  
  
C-Sec and a volus had falsely accused a young Quarian named Lia'Vael nar Ulnay of pickpocketing. London had instantly known the girl was innocent- she'd picked enough pockets in her childhood to know a fellow thief when she met one. Oh the anger she'd felt as she listened to the words of the officer and the volus. Even after the chit had been located and Lia'Vael had been proven innocent, her accusers still dismissed her as trouble. Every comment about how Lia'Vael was nothing but a vagrant and criminal just for being a Quarian echoed the same comments that the police and rich citizens had made toward London as a child just for being a street urchin back on Earth. That attitude and those ideals had been what forced London to turn to gangs just to survive and she was not about to see another person fall to that same fate.  
  
But Tali beat her to the punch. London had been almost stunned into silence as the usually passive Quarian launched into a fuming tirade against the officer and volus. Tali had always had a certain sass to her, making small snarky remarks from time to time, but this was the first time London had ever seen Tali fight back against an authority figure like a C-Sec officer. Tali had torn apart the men's ridiculous logic easily, but despite that was treated just as dismissively as Lia'Vael. That's when London had finally stepped in, threatening the two with her Spectre status and also accidentally snapping the picture.  
  
That was it, London realized. That was the moment she had truly fallen in love with Tali.   
  
Before that they had just been friends, bonding over things like mutual interests and the mission. Things evolved that night after Haestrom, but it still was not quite more than a subconscious crush. That moment on the Citadel though made her realize that Tali shared more than interests and a mission with London. They both had grown up in a world that wanted to do nothing more than erase their existence, but instead of coming out bitter and jaded like the member's of London's old gang, Tali and London both channeled that into a quest for a better life. Instead of giving into the oppression of the police and the upper classes, London had escaped into the military just to give herself a future and to show she could become more than another troubled youth statistic. Tali battled the prejudice of an entire galaxy daily, all just to give her people a new home.  
  
Tali understood what it was like to grow up knowing the world around you didn't want you and wanted you to fail while at the same time berating you for having to resort to theft just to eat and trespassing just to get out of the cold. She understood having your only home being on the verge of collapsing and constantly under the threat of eviction just because you are marked as an undesirable. She understood the feeling you got when a receptionist sneered at you and demanded that you leave the building when you asked to apply for a job.  
  
Tali understood the dream of a new life and she wasn't afraid to risk it all to get it.  
  
London ripped off her visor, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall down her face. "Damn it..." She muttered as the tears kept coming. All London could think about was Tali. That way she got excited when talking about new processor functions, that way she babied her combat drone when nobody was looking, that way she relentlessly sassed opponents in game, that way she could dance to any music and make it look good- the thoughts just kept flowing.  
  
"Goddamn it." London spat again and again as she began to dig through her side table drawer. A moment later she had retrieved a bottle of tranquilizers that Chakwas had given her awhile back. London had rarely used them, but now she stared at the bottle. Commander London Shepard, sole survivor of Akuze, slayer of Saren and the Collectors, hero of the Alliance, completely brought to her knees with terror at the idea of telling the woman she loved about her feelings. Scenarios of Tali's negative reaction ran through London's head- no more post-mission visits, their professional relationship completely compromised, Tali so uncomfortable and repulsed that she returned to her people.  
  
No.  
  
London popped open the bottle and swallowed two of the pills contained within. She couldn't risk that. What she had now with Tali was more than enough, just like it had been back on the SR-1. London laid back, the tranquilizer acting quickly, and closed her eyes. Tomorrow things would be back to normal, Tali would know nothing of how London felt, and London would go back to burying her ridiculous feelings. But even as the tranquilizer finally took hold and London drifted to sleep, the last thing she saw in her mind's eye were all those pictures of Tali.  
  



	4. Kasumi Hears a Noise in the Night

Kasumi yawned as she walked through the mess hall, heading to the sink for a glass of water. It was late and the ship was empty except for the lightfooted thief, just how she liked it. But as she sipped at her water, Kasumi's sensitive hearing picked up the soft sound of someone crying breaking up the whirr of the engines.  
  
"Now who could that be?" Kasumi whispered, putting a hand to her ear to better locate the source of the sound. It didn't take long for Kasumi to follow the quiet sobs downstairs and into the engineering deck. Kasumi paused in the stairwell, Jack's snoring confirming her suspicions that she was not the source. She knew full well that Gabby and Ken had turned in for the night as well, leaving only one person.  
  
The engineering bay doors hissed quietly as Kasumi entered. "Tali?"  
  
The tears stopped with a hushed gasp from around the corner. There was no response.  
  
"Tali, it's Kasumi. Are you okay? I thought I heard someone crying." Kasumi slowly walked into the room, her steps leading towards the drive core observation deck where Tali kept her cot.  
  
A loud sniffle and the sound of shuffling indicated to Kasumi that Tali was doing a speed regaining of her composure. "I-I'm fine, Kasumi. Just, ah, um, was doing some repairs and shocked myself."  
  
Kasumi smiled. Tali was a terrible liar. "You mind if I come and sit for awhile? Observation deck's a bit lonely tonight." Kasumi leaned on the doorframe between Tali's "room" and the rest of the engineering deck.  
  
A slight fogging on the interior of Tali's visor was the only outwardly visible indication that she'd been crying. The purple barrier obscured the rest of the Quarian's face. Kasumi thought she could see a hint of purple around Tali's eyes- almost like the red sclera's of someone who had been crying.  
  
Another sniff. "I, sure, no problem." Tali cleared her throat, scooting over to accomodate Kasumi on the cot. She sat with legs to her chest, face cradled in her knees and eyes watching Kasumi.  
  
The two were quiet for awhile, the hum of the drive core interrupted only by Tali's still sniffly breath. Kasumi's hooded face examined Tali's form and discarded papers for answers.  
  
 _"Reluctant to admit to crying, so it's some sort of secret. No nervous babbling, so it's an important one. Body language indicates insecurity and fear of opening up." Kasumi analyzed in her mind, eyes shifting to the area around them, "No tools around so there goes her story about repairs..."_ That's when a paper corner sticking out from beneath the matress caught Kasumi's eye. With lightning fast hands, Kasumi snatched the item in question before Tali could even realize. "And what's this we're hiding, Miss Zorah?"  
  
"Kasumi!" Tali gasped, immediately moving to attempt to snatch the paper away. Kasumi was too quick though, easily hopping to the other side of the room and dodging Tali. "Kasumi, give it back!"  
  
Adequately distanced from Tali, Kasumi finally stole a look at the paper. Kasumi's mischevious grin faded as a high gloss picture of Commander Shepard looked back at her. The picture was quickly snatched out of her hands, Tali clutching it to her chest and turning away from Kasumi. Tali's whole body shook ever so slightly. Kasumi bit her lip. Had she gone too far?  
  
"Tali, I'm sorry-"  
  
"I-It's nothing-" Tali tried to fib, but her on-the-verge-of-tears voice betrayed her.  
  
Kasumi had had her suspicions for awhile, really. She saw the way Tali light up whenever Shepard entered the room, she heard the excited-near-rambling way Tali spoke about the commander, she saw how Tali's eyes followed Shepard where ever she went. Kasumi didn't even need to be able to see Tali's face to see that Tali was completely enamored with Commander London Shepard. She reached out and gently put her hand on Tali's shoulder. "Tal, talk to me."  
  
At Kasumi's touch, Tali finally broke into tears, crumpling the picture somewhat as she clung to it. Kasumi gently placed her other hand on Tali's other shoulder, guiding the two of them back to the cot. "Oh, Kasumi..." Tali sobbed, covering her visor with her hands.  
  
"Sh, sh..." Kasumi rubbed Tali's back comfortingly. "It's okay. Just talk to me."  
  
"I-It doesn't matter." Tali shook her head.  
  
"Yes it does, now talk."  
  
Tali swallowed hard, pulling the picture from between her chest and knees. "I've been... I've had... I have feelings for the commander."  
  
"For how long?" Kasumi's responses were gentle and soft. Tali was a strong, brilliant woman, but she was also emotional and young. Kasumi knew she had to be careful or else Tali might shut down.  
  
"Keelah, probably since she first saved me on the Citadel." Tali spoke, "I-I'd never had anyone do something like that for me. And even after that, she let me join her crew, no questions asked. She..." Tali's voice trailed off a bit, "She was the first non-Quarian to treat me well. She didn't call me names or doubt my integrity or suspect me of anything."  
  
"Shep's a rare one like that. She knows better than to let stereotypes distort the truth."  
  
Tali nodded. "She barely knew me, but she had enough faith in me to let me work on something as important as the SR-1's engines."  
  
"You know, until you got back on board, Joker was always complaining that the ship wasn't running as good. He stopped complaining as soon as you got here and," Kasumi placed a hand on Tali's shoulder, "Shep was the one who told him it was because you were back."  
  
"Kasumi, you don't need to-"  
  
"It's true!" Kasumi exclaimed. "You're brilliant, Tali. And Shep sees that."  
  
Kasumi expected Tali to perk up at this, but instead her helmet drooped again. "I know she does." There was another sniff. "And I love that she does, but she also sees that kind of stuff in everybody. She respects my skills, but that doesn't mean she... she..." Tali couldn't even bring herself to say it.  
  
Kasumi frowned. She could see Tali's logic. Shep had a way of finding and admiring something in just about everybody and naturally that didn't mean she was in love with everybody. But Kasumi had noticed things about the way Shep admired and treated Tali that were different. She was always the first person she went to for tech advice, even in matters where someone like Gabby or Ken or even Kasumi herself would be more than able to help. Shep was a busy woman, often having to cancel plans with Kasumi or Joker in order to work, but she was religious in her post-mission hang outs with Tali. Then there was that way that Shep stared at Tali everytime she walked away- the longing and the hint of cross-eyed fantsizing. Kasumi wasn't as concretely sure about Shep's feelings as she had been with Tali's, but it was rare that the thief's instincts were wrong.  
  
"Tal baby, you've got to have a little faith. Shep spends more time with you than just about anybody on the ship, she's always looking to you for help and advice. I'm no therapist- that's Kelly's job- but I think your chances are a lot better than you think."  
  
Tali's face tilted up a bit, eyes looking up at Kasumi with what looked like hope. "Y-You really think so?"  
  
Kasumi smiled, wrapping an arm around Tali and pulling her into a hug. "You're one hell of a catch, Miss Zorah. Shep would be nuts to not see anything in you. I'm not gonna tell you that you're already there, but you've definitely got the potential to steal Shep's heart. I've seen you in combat- if you bring half as much of that intensity and sass to the flirting field, there's definitely a good chance for you to come out on top." She then cracked a grin, "Or on bottom, if that's what you'd prefer."  
  
Tali finally gave a laugh, her smile showing faintly through her visor. "Thanks, Kasumi."  
  
"You gonna be okay for now?"  
  
Tali gazed at the wrinkled picture of London for a moment and gave a small nod. "Yeah, I think so. I can't guarantee I'll be confessing anything to London anytime soon, but I at least feel a bit more... Confident, I guess." She hugged the picture to her chest, "At least I know that she sees something good in me, something more than just a soldier."  
  
Kasumi ruffled Tali's hooded head. "That's the ticket, kiddo." She rose from the cot, heading towards the engineering doors but pausing just as she reached them. "Consider it step one, alright?"  
  
"Step one." Tali gave a nod and a smile, shifting herself on the cot to return to sleeping.  
  
With that, Kasumi opened the door and stepped into the hallway. As soon as the doors snapped shut behind her, she flipped open her omnitool and activated her tactical cloak. She stealthily made her way through the sleeping ship towards the cockpit where she knew Joker would still be residing.  
  
The two had some planning to do.  
  



	5. First Call for Shore Leave

"Goooooood morning, SR-2! This is your pilot with an important announcement: We have docked at the Citadel and shore leave officially starts now! So get your sorry asses off my boat!"  
  
Joker's voice accompanied by a recording of a bugle playing First Call blasted over the loudspeakers, jolting London from her near coma sleep. She pushed herself up with an elbow, her other hand rubbing the grogginess from her face. She mentally made a note to herself to never take two of those tranquilizers again.  
  
As she swung her legs over the side of the bed, Joker's voice rang out again.  
  
"Oh and I'd like to invite all members of Team Normandy to Purgatory for a round of drinks courtesy of last night's poker victim, Garrus Vakarian!"  
  
London chuckled. 'Team Normandy' had been the ridiculous name for the core members of the crew that Joker had come up with several months back. He had also created the rule that the person who lost the weekly poker game had to buy drinks during shore leave. So far his policies had been accepted, namely because Garrus was so terrible at poker that it insured free drinks just about every shore leave.  
  
"Commander, are you awake? I detected abnormally deep sleep patterns last night so I thought it prudent to check your status." EDI's voice, much softer than Joker's booming shipwide announcement, spoke over the cabin's personal intercom.  
  
"Yes, EDI, I'm fine. Just had some trouble sleeping last night so I took some medicine Chakwas had given me." London responded, walking to her closet and throwing an outfit onto the bed behind her- blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather n7 jacket.  
  
"I see. Jeff wishes to know if you will be joining the crew for shore leave."  
  
London had begun to undress for her shower but paused at EDI's sentence. "Well, duh. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"I'm sure he was just uncertain due to your emotional state last night." EDI replied quickly.  
  
"EDI," London turned on the shower, "When have I ever skipped a shore leave?"  
  
"Statistically, never, but-"  
  
"What are you two planning?" London squinted up at the ceiling intercom. "I've known Joker long enough to know when he's up to something."  
  
"I assure you, Commander, that we are just concerned for your emotional well being. It is important for organics to have recreational activity, especially during times of emotional distress." EDI responded shortly.  
  
"Uh huh. Well. You tell Joker that yes, I am coming to shore leave tonight, and that what we discussed last night is closed for discussion, you understand me, EDI?"  
  
"Of course, Commander." EDI said, the faintest hint of mischievousness in her voice.  
  
London opened her mouth to give EDI another warning against shenanigans, but she could tell the AI was gone. Sighing, London cursed her best friend and her big mouth for telling him about Tali. She stepped under the spray of the shower, hot water reviving her still groggy muscles, and mentally noted that tonight she was going to drink _**a lot**_.  
  



	6. Scottish Wisdom

Tali was already hard at work when Joker's good morning announcement played over the intercom. Sliding out from beneath an opened up circuitry conduit, Tali wiped the grease from her suit as she listened. Gabby and Ken high fived upon hearing of Garrus' misfortune, Tali simply laughing at the memory of the Turian's tragedy of a game a few nights prior.  
  
"You comin', Tali?" Gabby asked immediately. She had already begun to close up shop, Kenneth doing the same.  
  
Tali hesitated at Gabby's question when she realized that Shepard was going to be at the club. Normally, it would have been a no brainer yes, but her never ending dreams of London last night was like salt to her wounded heart, even if Kasumi's talk had been helpful. Today she had thrown herself into her work to bury her thoughts, a technique that had been largely successful until now. "I, uh, don't think so."  
  
Kenneth gaped at her. "What? And miss Garrus' face as he pays for the third time in a row?"  
  
"Yeah, Tali, what's up?" Gabby looked at her quizzically.  
  
Fiddling with her wrench, Tali looked away from her co-workers. "I'm just... Not feeling up to it. A little down right now. Think I'll just keep working instead."  
  
"No, no, no!" Kenneth shook his head with each 'no', marching straight across the room to Tali. He kneeled down and clapped his hands on Tali's petite shoulders. "Listen, 'ere, Tali. You are goin' to that bar tonight, you understand me, lass?"  
  
"Kenneth, if she doesn't feel good, don't make her go!"  
  
"Quiet, Gabby!" Kenneth said over her shoulder before turning back to Tali, "Listen 'ere, Tali. Imma teach you something me da' and ma' taught me, old Scottish human wisdom."  
  
"Um..." Tali's eyes darted from his hands and back up to his face, a little confused.  
  
"Tali, work won't solve whatever is ailin' ya. What you need is strong drink. If it's hurtin you be, then drink till it don't hurt na more." Kenneth clapped his hands once more on Tali's shoulders, gazing at her as if he had just bestowed some sort of divine wisdom to her.  
  
"I-um, thanks, Kenneth, and not to offend Scottish wisdom, but I think I'll just take it easy tonight." Tali gently lifted his hands from her shoulders, giving him a pat on the head as well. "Thanks again though." She leaned out and waved to Gabby. "Tell everyone hi for me, ok?"  
  
"Will do, Tali. Feel better ok?" Gabby smiled at her before grabbing hold of a bewildered Kenneth's hand, "Come on, idiot, I told you to leave her alone."  
  
"But... The drink!" Kenneth cried out, sentence cut off as the engineering doors snapped shut.  
  
Tali sighed and tossed her wrench to the floor, the metal clattering loudly. Crossing her arms, Tali gazed at the mess of wires and hardware before her. Not ten minutes ago the chaos of tech had been soothing to Tali. It kept her mind busy- too busy to think about certain things. Gabby and Kenneth's presence had helped too. Her mind had been all engineering and science.  
  
Now it was just Tali and her mind was all feelings. Not even engineering could trump them. Keelah, the tech before her simply made her think of that one time she and London repaired the Mako together on some middle of no where planet.  
  
Tali rose to her feet, arranging her suit and dusting off. Tonight she was going to do something she'd never thought she'd do.  
  
She was going to follow Kenneth Donnelly's advice and she was going to get _**thoroughly** _ drunk.  
  



	7. The Usual, Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Just a note for reference, unlike most Sheps, London loves to dance and is an excellent dancer.))

Garrus whimpered ever so slightly as he watched his crew members order their drinks, slowly pulling his wallet out and dishing out the credits to the bartender. "Do you guys have to order the most expensive stuff on the menu every time?"  
  
"I dunno, Garrus. Do you have to suck so badly at poker?" Joker chided back, wiggling his fingers in the air with anticipation as his drink was placed in front of him.  
  
"Look who's talking Mr. Barely-Escaped-Losing-3-Times-In-A-Row." Garrus shot back, shooting down a shotglass of glowing blue liquid. "I swear to the Spirits you are cheating."  
  
Joker put on a look of facetious wounding. "Garrus, how could you accuse a good natured gentleman like me of such a thing?"  
  
Garrus' eyes narrowed. "Joker-"  
  
"Hey, about time you got here!" Joker cut off Garrus as London arrived at the bar.  
  
"Saved by the Shepard..." Garrus muttered, reaching again for his wallet.  
  
London gave him a look of pity, holding back laughter. "Garrus, you don't have to pay for me."  
  
"Nope, rules are rules. Loser pays and he lost!" Joker replied over the rim of his drink.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... I'm sure that rule will change once you're the one paying..." Garrus grumbled.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, Garrus. I'll make sure he stays true to the rules when we finally figure out how he's cheating." London grinned. The bartender placed a large tumbler full of softly glowing lavender liquid before her. It was London's usual drink- something Asari, tasted a bit like vodka and a cinnamon stick had a baby, and VERY strong- but tonight the drink's familiar purple color gave her a moment of lonely pause. Not wanting to tip off Joker, she shook the thoughts from her head and slammed the entire drink down in one shot.  
  
"Damn, Commander. You alright?" Garrus raised an eyebrow at London's extreme drinking stunt.  
  
Gritting her teeth and shuddering as the alcohol burned through her, London gave a nod. "Sorry, Garrus. My viking blood compels me to binge drink tonight. Have to understand- it's the Swedish national sport."  
  
"What a coincidence! Japan has a similar take to drinking!" Kasumi said cheerfully as she appeared from the crowd, looping her arms around London and Joker's shoulders.  
  
"Oh great another person to drink my wallet dry..." Garrus sighed.  
  
Kasumi laughed. "Don't worry, Gar. I'm not nearly as eager to get hammered as Shep seems to be."  
  
The bartender, familiar with the crew by now, had already prepared Kasumi's usual and placed an extra large refill out for London. They each grabbed their drinks, leaving Garrus to attend to the bill, and waded through the crowd, eventually locating a free table.  
  
"So, Joker, do tell us how you are managing to cheat Garrus into paying for drinks every shore leave." Kasumi's eyes twinkled knowingly over the rim of her cup.  
  
Once again, Joker pretended to be hurt. "I swear, where is every one getting these wild allegations? I would never do such a thing to our poor, calibrations obsessed friend."  
  
London snorted, taking a large swig of her drink. "Yeah, sure, Joker. I've played enough games with loaded dice to know a cheat when I see one."  
  
Joker gave an exaggerated gasp. "Shepard, you? Gambling with loaded dice? How could you?"  
  
A grin appeared on London's face, the potent alcohol starting to ebb into her system. "Had to pay the rent somehow. Can't help it if a few idiots thought it was a good idea to play dice with a 10th Street Red."  
  
Kasumi gave a wistful sigh, her face smiling devilishly. "I do love a sucker."  
  
"Here's to that!" Joker laughed, raising his drink towards Garrus and knocking down a gulp.  
  
"Oh!" Kasumi suddenly perked up, having spotted someone amongst the crowds, "I'll be back later guys." Before they could say anything, Kasumi had vanished into the throng of the club, leaving Shepard and Joker alone.  
  
"Wonder what that was all about..." London muttered, holding her glass out as a roaming bartender mech refilled it.  
  
"Maybe she saw Jacob and went off to go stalk him in the rafters." Joker replied, causing London to snort into her drink. Kasumi's cloaked stalking of Jacob had become something of an in-joke between the two.  
  
"Doubt he's doing pull ups in the bar though."  
  
"That guy?" Joker scoffed, "Come on, if anybody on this ship would be prone to alcohol induced working out it would be Jacob."  
  
London shuddered at the idea of Jacob with his shirt off. "Gross man, I'm trying to drink here."  
  
"Pecs rippling, biceps tense as he lifts himself upward, sweat running down the crevices of his six pack..."  
  
"Ugh gross no stop!" London flopped face first onto the table, waving her non-glass holding hand in the air, "I'm way too gay for this sort of thing!"  
  
"Okay, glad you're sufficiently grossed out because I am too." Joker cracked up at London's drunken response. Making sure she was still face down, he flipped around to the bar and waved an arm. Standing there was Kasumi, who nodded back in response to him. Next to her was none other than Tali'Zorah.  
  
By the time London popped back up, Joker had returned to casually sipping his drink. "So, on a topic we both can be less grossed out about..."  
  
As Joker trailed off, two people approached the table. London's smile vanished as she saw who it was- Kasumi and Tali.  
  
"Lon-Shepard!" Tali cried out, speech slurred and a slight sway to her stance, "Glad you're here."  
  
"I, uh, Tali! Yeah, hey!" London sputtered out. Her brain had already been switched to drunk mode and was not exactly ready to handle keep-your-composure-around-Tali-and-that-asshole-Joker mode at the same time.  
  
"How come you're not dancing?" Tali questioned, straw still stuck into her mouth port. "You always dance!"  
  
"Well," London cleared her throat and swished her glass in the air, "Decided to focus more on drinking tonight, I guess."  
  
"More like you finally realized you can't dance." Joker said nonchalantly.  
  
"Ohhhh!" Kasumi responded goadingly.  
  
"No, I just don't feel like it tonight!" London retorted, ignoring Kasumi.  
  
"Because  you can't dance." He stated again and took a casual sip of his drink.  
  
"That's a bunch of crap." Tali slurred, slamming her hands and drink on the table, straw spinning in the glass, "The commander is a wonderful dancer!" London was thankful that the lights of the club hid her blushing from Tali's comment.  
  
"Guess that helmet makes it hard to see, 'cuz I'd say she's one of the worst ever." Joker shook his head.  
  
"Tali-" London tried to calm down the Quarian, but Tali was having none of it. She grasped a hold of London's wrist.  
  
"Come on, Londo- Shepard! Time to show that bosh'tet he's full of it!" With a yank, Tali pulled London from her seat and began to drag her to the dance floor.  
  
London babbled some weak protests at first, but then shot a look over her shoulder to find Kasumi and Joker looking at them, devious grins on both their faces as they waved. It then hit London that Kasumi and Joker had set this up.  
  
 _"That brittle boned, neckbearded bastard and that sneaky klepto bitch!"_ London cursed in her mind, glaring at her friends who broke into laughter at the sight of her face.


	8. Dance, Magic, Dance

The pair reached the crowded dance floor, Tali pushing her way into a open spot for the two of them. London’s knees shook like mad. It was true- she loved to dance and, frankly, she was quite good at it, drunk or not. But for the first time, London found her body locked up, her mind unable to synch to the rhythm of the music blaring over the speakers. As Tali began to bob in time to the music, melding effortlessly into the beat despite her inebriation, London’s mind panicked.  
  
“Just move, London. You got this. Ignore the gorgeous woman in front of you and pretend you’re alone.” She thought in a desperate attempt to gather herself. Taking a deep breath, London began to sway and move. But her movements were ill-timed, missing beats, clunky and ungraceful- all in all, terrible. London swallowed hard and blushed deeply in embarrassment at her performance.  
  
“Tali, I’m sorry I just-” She began to speak, stopping her attempts at dancing. However, before she could finish her sentence, Tali put her hands on London’s shoulders. The very touch sent a chill down London’s spine.  
  
“Just relax, Commander! Come on!” Tali said encouragingly, pulling herself close to London. Just then, the music changed. The all too familiar beats of one of London’s favorite songs began to flow through the speakers- a passionate, sensual, intense club anthem made for intimate, dirty dancing.  
  
Time seemed to slow. London took in a hushed breath and suddenly found her hands moving on their own. One hand rested itself on the curve of Tali’s hip, the other on her shoulder. Tali pushed her body into London’s hands, turning her head ever so slightly and flashing a coy grin. She dug her hands into London’s shoulders and began to push and pull her arms one after another, moving London’s body in beat to the music. Tali’s hips began to sway along to the rhythm, London’s hand following along. London felt her body loosening, her hips beginning to move, her knees unlocking. It was almost as if Tali’s movements were flowing through her arms and into London, willing her to do as she said- relax.  
  
The build up of the song ended, the bass dropping hard and pulsating throughout the club. With each beat, the pair moved in synch, their movements becoming more fluid with each note of the music. Tali began to move feet as well, lifting her arms up into the air and waving them in time to the beat. London’s hand slid down from Tali’s shoulder and grasped her petite waist, their hips edging closer and closer together with each movement. This did not go unnoticed by Tali who threw her arms around London’s neck and brazenly pulled her in so close that their bodies were pressed against each other. London’s hand crawled up from Tali’s waist and came to a rest on Tali’s back, grasping the harness that adorned it. Her hand at Tali’s hips inched downward and back, sliding over the side of Tali’s behind and coming to grip on the back of Tali’s upper thigh. Tali rolled her head back and combed one hand into London’s short blonde hair before snapping back up to lock eyes with her. Their bodies moved perfectly together in time to the music, their movements as sensual and passionate as the music that played. In that moment, London had forgotten about Joker and Kasumi, about her apprehension, about everything except for the music and Tali.  
  
As the song climaxed, London tipped Tali back dramatically. That’s when it happened.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
The words were barely audible above the noise of the club, spoken in the heat of the moment when they were meant to simply be thought silently in London’s mind. But London knew instantly that she had been heard loud and clear- Tali’s eyes were round with shock, her body unmoving in London’s grasp, mouth slightly agape. Snapping up right and almost dropping Tali, London pushed away from her. “I-I-” She stammered stupidly.  
  
“London-” Tali reached a hand out, voice soft and shaking.  
  
London didn’t stay to hear Tali finish. She bolted past Tali, plowing through the crowded dancefloor blindly and running for the exit.  
  
 _“What have I done?”_ She thought in horror, tears beginning to form in her eyes.


	9. Love, At Long Last

London paced back and forth anxiously across her cabin, her face still burning red from the sting of embarrassment. How could she have been so stupid as to just blurt her feelings out like that in the middle of the club? Sure, she was less than sober at the time, but that was hardly an excuse. She sighed loudly, slumping down onto the foot of the bed. She rested her elbows atop her knees, pulling at her hair and staring hard at the floor in frustration.

She had just gotten lost in the moment. Tali was such a good dancer and London hadn't danced like that with anyone... well, ever.

"Well, Tali was the one who dragged you out to the dance floor in the first place. Maybe... she was expecting something?" A hopeful thought poked its way into London's mind, but it was immediately crushed by the memory of Tali's shocked expression when London uttered that fateful phrase. London flushed scarlet once again at the thought and rubbed her hands across her face.

"Ugh... What have I done?" She moaned sadly. She thought for a moment that maybe Tali would have been too drunk to remember, but she knew that was unlikely. "How am I going to face her now?"

Suddenly the swish of the cabin door opening interrupted London's reverie. London snapped her head up from the palms of her hands and the blood drained from her face. Tali stood at the doorway, wringing her hands and shifting from side to side nervously. 

"Erm, C-Commander? Is it okay if... If I come in?"

London swallowed hard. "I- yes." She stuttered stupidly.

Tali hesitated for a moment before walking slowly into the cabin, coming to a stop at the bottom of the staircase. She was still wringing her hands like she always did when nervous. "About... tonight..."

"Look, Tali," London cut her off, "I'm so sorry. That was... wildly inappropriate of me. I shouldn't have said anything but I just got lost in the moment of everything," She rambled at Tali, standing up, "And I understand completely if you want to just pretend it never happened. We don't have to speak of it ever again-"

"No!" Tali exclaimed suddenly, causing London to jump and go silent. Tali recoiled slightly, gazing down at her hands, "No... I... Commander... London, I..." Tali took in a deep breath and looked up into London's eyes. "There's something... I've been meaning to say... For a long time." She reached up and placed a hand over her visor. London heard the hiss of decompressing air and the clicks of hinges unlocking and watched as Tali lifted the purple mask free. "And I want... you to see me when I say it."

London was struck speechless by Tali's beauty. Her eyes were the color of starlight now that the visor was no longer dampening them. Her skin was a dusky twilight violet and her thick, lustrous hair midnight black.

"I... I love you too, London Shepard." Tali's voice was crystal clear without the suit's voice modulator. She gave a shy but hopeful smile, face blushing indigo.

London blinked, stunned into silence by Tali's words. How long had she hoped to hear that exact phrase? And now that she had heard it all she could do was stare at the beautiful woman before her. "I- what?" She sputtered stupidly.

Tali walked forward, taking London's hands into her own and squeezing them. "I love you, London. I have for a long time- ever since I joined you aboard the SR-1 all those years ago. I just," She looked down, "I was too shy to say anything about it. I couldn't tell if you felt the same thing for me and I just didn't want to ruin what we had already." Tali looked back up, "But... If you... Don't want to... You know... I'd be okay. I don't want to inconvenience you or make things difficult for you. I just..." Tali began to ramble.

She went silent as London pulled away a hand and delicately stroked it against Tali's bare cheek. It was soft and smooth against London's calloused, battle scarred fingers. She placed her other hand on Tali's waist and pulled her into a deep, slow kiss. She smelled like a cool, clean breeze on an autumn day, crisp and fresh. She tasted of spice and cinnamon. Her arms wrapped around London's body, her hands taking a hold of London's shirt.

As they pulled away from each other, Tali blushed an even deeper shade of indigo. "Oh... Keelah..." She muttered, flustered. London took a hold of Tali's chin and moved her gaze to meet her own.

"I love you, Tali'Zorah." London said sincerely, eyes misting from the joy of finally being able to utter those words. She smiled lovingly at Tali. "And I want nothing more than to be with you."

Tali's face lit up with happiness. She threw herself into London's embrace, rubbing her bare face into London's chest. "Oh, London!"

London let out a laugh and hugged Tali tightly. When Tali finally pulled her face away, they came together in another deep, passionate kiss.

"Ha! Finally!"

Their kiss was interrupted by the opening of the cabin doors once again, but this time Joker was standing in the doorway. He grinned, clapping his hands together.

"Joker, what are you-" London furrowed her brow at him.

"Gotta admit, Shep, you had us worried there for a minute when you ran off." Kasumi's voice came from no where. Her silhouette shimmered as she decloaked next to Joker. "But it looks like Operation: Drunk Dirty Dancing was a success."

Tali darted to her mask on the floor and placed it back on as quickly as she could. "You two were in on this?" She exclaimed.

Joker was still grinning like an idiot. "We couldn't sit by and let you two pine after each other like idiots, now could we?"

"Joker..." Tali groaned, burying her mask in the palm of her hand.

"I'm going to break every bone in your stupid face, Joker." London blushed deep red.

"Worth it. Right, Kasumi?"

"Totally worth it."


End file.
